stiff

it's so hard when life smacks back at you. this afternoon, i was talking to my team mate. nothing much, actually. general things that most people know bits and pieces of. then, as i was making my exit to rush to enta...i told her: "i still love him." i smiled my ass off, but as i was walking back to RMT, i kept on crying.

i want to run away. run till i don't see anything that reminds me of you. run till my lungs burst out. i just don't want to admit defeat because i always thought that no matter what, i would win this fight. that i'd get over this. but too many things remind me of you. and i still have that urge to call you up/ask you for a hug/whine to you when things upset me. it's just that this time around, i fight that urge with all my might. this time around, i can't depend on you for support.

because you're gone. and because you never wanted to be here, with me.

~*~
and to YOU. thank you for never asking me to give what you knew was beyond me. thank you for giving me enough space to move around and grow. and thank you for being so unlike him.

~*~
super bad day today. i want to be hugged. but im alone in this house.