Child Rearing in these Precariuous Times

“They get what they want,
But they never want it again
Go on take everything,
Take everything you want to...
You should learn to say no.”
-Violet, Hole

I was a crazy kid in high school.

Reminiscing high school life fills me with alternating dread and relief. I was so “socially adept”, it was horrible. At that juncture of my life; I didn’t have much respect for authority. Generally, I lacked respect for anyone. Irreverent, would be a nice-sounding description for it.Thankfully, I did eventually grow out of that phase.

And while I am as irreverent as ever, I have learned to channel my energies better. Call it maturity, call it getting older, call it getting tired…basta napagod ako sa pagiging pasaway.

When those “open party” stories circulated through the blogosphere some time back, I was left reminiscing times past. After sifting through epic proportions of reposts and replies, I now have the basic facts:

A high school kid went to an open party. He danced with a girl. They cam whored. And some time later, the same kid got beat up.

End of facts.

When I look at the incident through my wild child high powered lenses (also known as I thought about it for five minutes…while taking a dump), my reactions were the following (in order of thought process):

-Whut?! OMAYGAD. That’s so appaling. How could these people do this?

-I am never letting my (future) kids parteeeey

-Meh. It’s so epic. And so high school.

-Must get to the bottom of this.

So I made an effort. I sifted through more blogs. I even wrote to the people involved. It was a helluvalot of clicking and googling. Such a Herculean task. But I didn’t want to just repost stuff. I mean, so many people have reposted the beat up kid’s mom’s letter. I didn’t want to join in, repost without verifying.

In short, ang arte ko kasi kaya nag hirap akong magresearch.

After all that investigative journalism, I came up with these conclusions:

• The kid was beat up at an open party, that much is true. But when it comes to determining which party he went to, confusion abounds. There were two open parties that night.

• Some people and groups have become whipping boys. Other kids have taken (undeserved) heat for this. Just because they were mentioned in the beat up kid’s mom’s letter.

• So many people have posted,reposted and reacted to this issue; it has become a case of mass paranoia.

• People seem to have forgotten that high school kids tend to do stupid things, it’s what they’re supposed to be doing at that point. We “grown ups” should hold ourselves morally accountable to them. And accountability as elders includes being mature enough to keep oneself in check before lashing out on kids. This means that: GROWN UPS SHOULDN’T JUST REPOST WITHOUT CHECKING OUT THE FACTS.

• And lastly, though justice must and should be served; let us not blow things out of proportion. I will say this again: these are high school kids.

When you think about it, it is not their morality that we should question.It is our own morality that we should question. We should ask ourselves how could we have let this happen? And how could we call ourselves adults if we refuse to see beyond the blame game?

This incident should serve as a wake up call for all of us. It is not a reason for vendetta or prohibition campaigns. It is a call for tolerance and maturity. It is a call for self-examination.

Raising children will be difficult, no matter what decade you happen to be in. When our children get hurt, we naturally want to retaliate. We want to strike back at once. We suffer with our children. We have all the reason to be mad.

But you know what?

When we strike back at those other kids who have hurt our own; WE FORGET THAT THOSE KIDS HAVE LOVING PARENTS TOO. And that these parents can and will be equally hurt by our actions.

Who shall cast the first stone, then? Cast it you may, but remember to look at the dirt on your palms.

Your Objection Gets My Nod

A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
- Garrison Keillor
That Old 'Picayune-Moon
Harper's September 1990

I have just read a very, very, very disturbing pooled editorial by a certain group of student journalists from sorta reputable school. Now, am not one to gripe and flail around muddy uni politics and I am not about to start defending Ateneo. Mainly because I believe Ateneo is not without faults.

As a prelude to writing my "no-i-am-not-defending-Ateneo" post; I read A WHOLE LOT of reactions from Ateneans who blog, non-Ateneans who blog and even tuned in to my college friends' whole discussion on the said editorial.

Being someone who served twice on a student publication's editorial board, I can enumerate lots of reasons to be simply appalled at the editorial. But I will just stick to one.

Not for want of facts or drive or even form. I was appalled at the lack of logic. A journalist doesn't simply report and quote various sources (like wikipedia, which was apparently consulted for this editorial). A journalist is supposed to make a coherent and logical story out of all the data collected. Moreover, sifting fact from fiction from downright incoherent thought is one of the main reasons why it is imperative for journalist to have some grasp of reality and logic.

The mere fact that the editorial seemed like a distorted group of arguments with nothing connecting A to B makes it a bit taxing to read. And when it finally dawns on you what the editorial was really about (read: bitterly bashing Ateneo), you cannot decide whether to laugh it off or demand those editor's heads.

I laughed it off.

At first.

Then I told myself:

Fine.

Taga Ateneo ako.

Fine.
Nakaka offend nga ito.

Nakakaburat nga. Slanderous ang piece na ito. Oo, maraming mayaman sa Ateneo at oo, sanitized environment ito. Maraming elistang walang alam sa paghihirap ng Pilipinas sa Ateneo.

But still, Ateneans; though slow to the chase have usually stood their ground on pertinent issues. Is that merit enough to go to hell? Is supporting a reproductive bill unchristian?

I think not.

Christ believed in uplifting those who had none, He hung out with poorest of the poor and most importantly; He preached tolerance.

Which is why I am surprised of the lack of tolerance these supposedly Christian editors have for those who need a bill that will uphold their human right to health. I am sad to see bright minds believe that overpopulation is something that can be treated with band aid solutions (like post natal care, more health care providers, etc).

We are a nation faced with poverty and overpopulation (mainly due to the lack of resources for recreational activities)

In Filipino: pag gigil, walang makakapigil.

We need preemptive solutions to overpopulation. Corollary to that point, the RH Bill is geared towards protecting those whose pregnancies could be caused by sexual abuse or will have high risk pregnancies. Conversely, it is also for those who cannot support a child (or another child for that matter). Access to better health care and more options is a great step towards a healthier country.



To be Atenean means to become a person for others. This person will put their name and reputation on the line for what they believe is right. I am proud that some members of the Ateneo faculty gave a voice to all those who are in dire need of reproductive health care.

NO PREGNANCIES = NO ABORTIONS.



===
I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying-it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off.
-Molly Ivins

*I also find it misleading that the statement issued by some members of the faculty are quoted and stabbed at relentlessly as the stand of the whole institution.

finally, am home

there are limits to my generosity. i've spent a week minding character c's family. so much so that we have been mistaken for a married couple many times. i know that character c and i move with a certain synchronicity. we move together, we think along the same lines. yes, it had the makings of two people meant for each other. something that i have missed because character a and i barely spoke the same language.

everything is just very comfortable with character c. am happy about that. what i don't like is being judged. i mean. c'mon now. we're the only ones willing to sleep in the goddamned hospital and you blame us for that? if you really didn't one us to be there, then someone else should have volunteered to do it instead. complaints without viable alternatives are a pain in the arse.

speaking of pains in the arse. his brother, (let's call him suzie) is another gigantic pain in the arse. he does need my help. i cannot imagine someone who claims to want to go into foreign service not understand BASIC concepts such as sustainable development, neo-liberalization, trade liberalization.

my gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

his stupidity appalls me. aside from his utter lack of respect for me and his brother (who is consequently sending him to school; whom he called useless crap), i am irritated by this brandishing of stupidity. i cannot.get.over.his.ignorance.

natuto na ako't nagtanda

ano ba dapat gawin kung ang isang kaibigang pinagkatiwalaan mo ng todo, inasahang mong tutulungan kang bumangon at binigay mo nang buong buo ang suporta sa kanya ay siya din naman palang magkakanulo sa iyo't magpapahiya sa harap ng maraming tao? paano mo haharapin yung katotohanang sa kabila ng lahat ng inyong pag-uusap, sa kabila ng kanyang pagsira sa iyong tiwala noon at pagsisikap mong ibalik ang tiwalang yaon; magagawa pa rin yang magsinungaling sa iyo. magagawa pa rin yang lokohin ka, paasahin ka, saktan ka?

hindi ko alam kung paano pa ako makikitungo sa kanya. sana nanging pranka na lang siya at sinabing kahit ano pa man ang sabihin ko sa kanya; ikakalat pa rin niya ang nalalaman niya sa akin, sa amin. hindi naman ako masasaktan ng ganito kung naging handa ako. ganun lang kasimple ang mga bagay. nagtiwala ako sa iyo. bilang isang kaibigan. sinabi mo noon sa akin kung anong hangganan ng mga ilalahad mo. tanga ako't naniwala pa sa iyo. tahasan mong nilagpasan ang mga hangganang yaon.

sabi mo kagabi, ituring kita hindi lang bilang kaibigan kundi bilang kasama din. ito ang sagot ko sa iyo: hinding hindi na kita ituturing na kaibigan. kahit kailan, hinding hindi na ako magtitiwala sa iyo. kaya kong ituring ka bilang kasama. pero hinding hindi na kita ituturing na kaibigan. huling pagkakataon na itong magpapaloko ako sa iyo't magtitiwala. huli na ito. magtatanda na ako sa susunod na lumapit ka pa sa aking nagkukunwaring magkaibigan pa rin tayo. sana, huwag ka nang umasang babalik pa ang dati nating samahan, ang dati kong tiwala sa iyo. kasi, sigurado akong hinding hindi na ako papayag maibalik pa yaon.