trauma shots

sometimes, i just can't help but be myself. sure i try to make myself up when i face people i have to impress or people i don't particularly like. but among friends, i am just myself. recent events though have made me contemplate.
is it just me, or should i be hiding my craziness a little better? it's not that i currently have no friends anymore due to my craziness. in fact, it seems to amuse most people i meet. but i think i maybe be getting too fucking spontaneous. maybe, im too spontaneous for my own good. and needless to say, im too stubborn for my own good. when i see something i want, im determined to get it no matter what. im not a quitter. and of course i never really do run away from anything. i guess it's because i've been living my life with this thought: life is indeed too short. as an answer to this, i sought to make the most out of every situation. i cried my heart out when i needed to cry. i laughed my lungs out when i needed to laugh.and i forgave, no matter how hard it was to do it.
i did everything with a certain drive.
and this certain drive is driving him insane.
i know that we will never agree on many things. but i was/still am willing to make a compromise. i mean, life is too short (again i say that) to not make room for change. life is too fleeting to not accomodate people you care dearly for. i want a compromise. but apparently, he doesn't see it as possible. there are no grey areas in his world. while mine is full of those. i dunno what to do anymore. i don't know whether he's being a fuckwit or im being unreasonable again. this relationship isn't what i ordered, but when push came to shove...admittedly i fucked up. but i think i should be given a little credit for trying to fix things. and when it came to that point of fuckwittage, i was the one suffering.
o great.
so what's a girl to do?
simple.
find someone else to fuck.

after all, what is life if you don't fuck and be fucked in return?