Linggo, Hunyo 28

Answers from the Great Beyond...

"I'm pushing an elephant up the stairs
I'm tossing up punch lines that were never there
Over my shoulder a piano falls
Crashing to the ground
I'm breaking through
I'm bending spoons
I'm keeping flowers in full bloom
I'm looking for answers from the great beyond"

-REM, The Great Beyond

A lot of things have been happening, lately. In fact, things have been happening too fast. There are changes in our life (mine and character c's) which we would rather not have. However, the bulk of the choices have had to be made on my part.

We all know that eventually, we'll arrive at a crossroad. Whether it's in our professional or personal lives, dilemmas are sure to appear. My dilemma of late has been of the professional kind. But not strictly so. It's also intertwined with my ideology and how I have planned to live the rest of my life.

Last February, I left my corporate job to go back to activism. Since then, character c and I have been waiting for that one call. The one call which would assure us our former circle would like to have us back.

The past months have been very hard on us financially; specifically because I turned down a lot of corporate jobs. I turned these down because I wanted to keep my schedule (and options) open; just in case our activist colleagues called us back to duty.

It has been four months. Four dire months.

Yesterday, I received a call from a really good company (let's call it company 55). Their salary was great and so were the add-ons and the benefits. Their offer was hard to ignore. They invited me to sign on. The appointment was made for Monday.

And as if I was being played for a fool by fate; the call I've been waiting for came in after company 55's call. I was asked by colleague R to report for duty on Monday.

Thus, I am in a major dilemma. Should I sacrifice my family's security for unstable employment? It's not just about the financial aspect. It's about the amount of waiting character c and I had to go through for this certain unstable job. An unstable job that I would love.

In my heart of hearts, I know that I'd like to drop everything for colleague R's proposal. But recent life-changes has forced pragmatism on me. And in my pragmatism, I've learned that not all things we love will love us back. Not everything we wait for comes at opportune time.

If it's true that when we want something, the universe conspires to give it to us; I have a message for the universe.

Dear Universe,

You're late. You're proposal will be given much thought and discussion. I cannot guarantee my approval. Don't do be late again.