Linggo, Agosto 3

motivation, lack thereof

i think that even though am nearing getting my degree (time wise), i am in fact farther from it than when i started. i lack motivation to finish this semester. it's getting depressing. i have been home for four straight days and i'm pretty sure i didn't accomplish anything by staying at home. in fact, the only things i did while stay at home are: 1. sleep 2. interwebs and 3. smoke. i need to get out of this house.

i should get a move on and finish my degree. god. 6 fucking subjects to go and i can't even swing it. where have all my energies gone lately?

ok. so maybe i do know why i am like this. character a has been giving me a hard time. this has been the most emotionally draining 3 weeks of my life. i want this to end. only three months till i finish and i still can't get myself to do this. i've maxed out all my cuts on all my classes and i feel like i'm back in junior year when i was doing badly in everything except philosophy. i don't know who i should turn to for this. my mom will murder me when she finds out all about my little lack of motivation. murder will be putting it lightly.

i asked a friend of mine, **** about it. and he said that i was just plain lazy. kthanks for the pick me up. really now. gads. maybe i am just being lazy. but whatdapak am i supposed to do now? my academic life has become a cesspool of resentment. i have no idea where to go from here.

another friend, ** said that she thinks i won't graduate at all. which in fact started this whole lack of motivation thing. i know she means well. but telling your already down in the dumps friend that you think she won't graduate is a bit rich. bloody rich. a little consideration please.

to make matters worse, character c has been pushing me to graduate. i don't have the heart to tell him that his little "study hard, etc" reminders are in fact pushing me against the wall and not helping at all. now, i know that he loves me and he does mean well. but please. please. for the love of god. don't treat me like i;m in grade school.


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