3

in less than two hours, character and i will be celebrating 3 months of having a functional relationship. that being said, no one still knows that we are really together. although, when we are with other people, they way we act around each other screams couplehood. even if we don't hold hands in public, or at least when there are other people around... it is still very much obvious that we are together.

tomorrow. zoo. movies and lots of sweet things. will gush about it soon. hahahahha.

...

there are no catty remarks or witty phrases today

a picture will do.

improvements

my relationship with character c has been steadily improving. he's done with his work. we've been spending much more time together, and we've been talking more as of late. last night. we were walking th flooded streets of manila. character c had to carry me a number of times. it was reassuring and sweet. i felt like i was being taken care of. we had dinner at his house before hand. his family was warm as usual.

today, he surprised me by bringing me pizza at home.

i'll stop gushing now. :D

motivation, lack thereof

i think that even though am nearing getting my degree (time wise), i am in fact farther from it than when i started. i lack motivation to finish this semester. it's getting depressing. i have been home for four straight days and i'm pretty sure i didn't accomplish anything by staying at home. in fact, the only things i did while stay at home are: 1. sleep 2. interwebs and 3. smoke. i need to get out of this house.

i should get a move on and finish my degree. god. 6 fucking subjects to go and i can't even swing it. where have all my energies gone lately?

ok. so maybe i do know why i am like this. character a has been giving me a hard time. this has been the most emotionally draining 3 weeks of my life. i want this to end. only three months till i finish and i still can't get myself to do this. i've maxed out all my cuts on all my classes and i feel like i'm back in junior year when i was doing badly in everything except philosophy. i don't know who i should turn to for this. my mom will murder me when she finds out all about my little lack of motivation. murder will be putting it lightly.

i asked a friend of mine, **** about it. and he said that i was just plain lazy. kthanks for the pick me up. really now. gads. maybe i am just being lazy. but whatdapak am i supposed to do now? my academic life has become a cesspool of resentment. i have no idea where to go from here.

another friend, ** said that she thinks i won't graduate at all. which in fact started this whole lack of motivation thing. i know she means well. but telling your already down in the dumps friend that you think she won't graduate is a bit rich. bloody rich. a little consideration please.

to make matters worse, character c has been pushing me to graduate. i don't have the heart to tell him that his little "study hard, etc" reminders are in fact pushing me against the wall and not helping at all. now, i know that he loves me and he does mean well. but please. please. for the love of god. don't treat me like i;m in grade school.

hay.

pursed lips

as much as i wouldn't want to admit it. i have to. my relationship with character c lacks spice.

me and my mom

my mom and i have a rather complex relationship. she is the first and last person i run to when i'm in trouble. we talk about just about anything but we hardly see each other. i love hearing her stories, she loves hearing mine but we both don't know what each person actually does in a day.

confusing?

maybe. but i enjoy being with her. we just don't talk too much about jobs and such, i guess. i do know all the sordid details of her heartbreaks as she does mine. what am trying to say is. am grateful.

~*~
oh, character c's mom is getting headway into my life. or is it the other way around? am i getting headway into hers? i really, really like her. except for the fact that i feel she won't approve of my, uhm, lifestyle?

~*~
i miss character c, dammit.

secret smiles

"see that saucer of iodized salt?
if you can count the grains,
you'd know how much i love you."
-character c

am hopelessly in love with character c now. and the secret smiles we have grow in number.