Lunes, Marso 17

considering everything

the fact is, the only reason i'm pushing through with my trip to poland is my dire need for space. i need so much space that i have to hop on a 30 hour flight to get it. my mother has gone through my cabinets and found a pregnancy test kit thingy. she tells me she didn't do this intentionally...but why was she looking for the laptop in one of my cabinets thingies where it couldn't have fit? and if it was open (and i guess it was since i never lock the thing), how did she happen to "accidentally" look into it and discover a pregnancy test that was located in a not-so-accessible/not-so-obvious part of the cabinet?

i am baffled. truly baffled.

i was thinking about writing about this on my "rage" blog, but that wouldn't give this event justice. im just sick of not being able decide whether i like living with my mother or not. she's not very strict per se. but she can be really, really, really pushy. i know that i haven't been like her at all. and i know that i will never be near her personality, ever. but she has to stop insisting that she isn't comparing her twenty-ish self to me while constantly measuring me up with her moral meter. i've had enough of guilt trips. i've had enough "i stood by you but what did you do to repay me?" speeches.

and what sucks the most is, I DIDN'T EVEN REALLY DO ANYTHING!

while i would have stood by and taken the shit if i actually did something, this time round...i can honestly say that i really didn't do anything. sure i went out, but i texted way ahead of time. and that was all i did.

everything that has happened today makes me sorely tempted to just leave this house. i cannot stand this anymore. i just can't. she doesn't know what kind of pressure i am in right now. she doesn't understand that i'm fighting to get my semester over and done with right.

and i have a feeling that if i told her, she wouldn't really understand since she's never had trouble in school.

my god. i sound like a whiny teenager! sometimes, i can't be so mature when i'm being treated like a teenager.

hopefully, when i wake up later, i will be calmer. i might just slit my wrists if im not.

joke lang.
in other news...

pwede ko naman sabihing, 3 and 1/2 subejcts to go na lang! tapos na ang sem na ito! yehey! ^__^

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