time

that's what we need. time to be together. since character c is now working, we've had close to no time at all to be able to bond. during the course of last week, we really had to make major adjustments. his mom/my mom and both our schedules are not the only considerations anymore. we now have to take into account that he will only be in close proximity during weekends. for the rest of the time, he will be at godforsaken alabang for work. and while am perfectly alright with him working, am really really finding it hard to adjust. given, i wasn't exactly ready for this. when we talked about this before, we had no definite relationship to consider. there were no "i love you's" exchanged between us. just me, making all those declarations. i know, i know; i was pretty le pathetique. but then again, i did feel that we were going somewhere and that he was actually giving me something to work with.

and look at us now.

we almost have a functional relationship.

i say almost because we're not quite out in the open. there is literally only a handful of people who actually know what the real score is. and by a handful, i do mean a handful. i am scared, actually. i'm scared that people will see me differently when everything is out and in the open. i'm scared that if we fail at this, people will just nod and brush it off.

character c is the closest i've been to a compromise between what i want and what my family expects. and now that we are finally getting somewhere, i feel as if the rest of the world won't be able to take the news.

more than time to be together, we need time to let things pass; let issues die down. it won't do us any good if we make our declarations now that everyone is emotional. i just want us to have a fair chance at a relationship. i just want us to be able to grow with each other.

and yes, i just want us to be left alone.