masaya

tinatawag niya akong "mutya".
tinatawag ko siyang "sinta".

masaya ako.

may theme song na kami.

Ihaharap kita sa bandilang pula
Tanda ng aking di magmamaliw na sumpa
Sa iyo at sa pakikibaka

Pagmamahal pakaiingatan
Kagaya ng aking tanging pagpapahalaga
Sa iyo at sa pakikibaka

Hindi mag-iisa
'Pagkat laging magkasama
Ang ating pagsuyo'y
Bahagi ng iisa

Pagmamahal pakaiingatan
Kagaya ng aking tanging pagpapahalaga
Sa iyo at sa pakikibaka

Hindi mag-iisa
'Pagkat laging magkasama
Ang ating pagsuyo'y
Bahagi ng iisa

Ikuyom ang mga bala
Sa ating mga palad
Saksi ang mga masa
Sa ating paglalahad

Na hindi mag-iisa
At palaging magkasama
Ang ating pagsuyo'y
Bahagi ng iisa.

mukhang nagmamahalan na nga talaga kami.

100 days

The Quiet Conquest

Strange. I could have sworn
that i did not see you
enter my secret chambers
inching your way
through these dark caverns
with only the dying embers
of my fallen cigarette to guide you.

Surreal. I could have torn
that smirk off your face that was
edging slowly into a smile
impairing all defenses
that my fortress had
with only the searing looks
of my hidden eyes.

Surrender. I could have borne
these lonesome halls alone
ever denying the sound of you footfalls
imploring me to come hither
that you may do battle for me
with only a heart
of steel to wager.

Still. You could have scorned
these pitiable treasures you found
ending your quest for this heart
icily turning away from me
that my fortress become barren
with only my disbelief
of this chance left.

Sly. You could have left by morn
these threadbare embraces i give
eclipsing a dream that was beginning
in my heart, it dared take form
that these walls be shattered
with sweet confirmations
of what we are and were

functional

character c wriggled out of work and family responsibilities so we could be together last night. :D he brought me lots of food! am gushing. haha.

recently, character c confirmed my every suspicion. there has been no cooling off in this relationship. we're back to normal, or as normal as we can get. i think that last night was a testament to our couplehood. we spent more time talking, watching stuff and cuddling than having sex. which indicates that our relationship isn't just a carnal one. which is reassuring. it is a sign that we might have something for the long run.


tomorrow, we will celebrate the hundredth day since our first kiss. time passes quickly no matter the circumstance, it seems.

kissing a fool

you were far, when i could have been you star
you listened to people

character b viewed my profile in an unamed social networking site. so, i viewed her. and ohmyfuckinggod. she is fugly as hell! am regretting that i was ever insecure of her. with that face? my god.

wala naman pala siyang face.

i just can't believe i thought i had competition.

relationship blues

i've always been a free spirit. i go where i want to, when i want to. for some people, it may appear like i am a selfish brat. however, that is not the case. i have learned to pay for my mistakes, clean up my own shit and basically bite the bullet when need be. i have been like this for so long that i've somewhat developed my own kind of independence. i was raised to think for myself, to demand what is due me and take care of myself. am not used to being monitored, being told to go home at certain hour, being reminded to eat, etc, etc.

for me to get used to those things, i really do have to go through a life-changing turn around.

am not used to this.

character c is invading my space. contrary to popular belief, i am a private person. i control what i say to other people. i believe in projecting an image and how it is separate from my core being. it's not an issue of not being true to yourself. i was just brought up having a very clear sense of my public and personal life. it's not really a bad thing, is it?

i have to admit it. i'm really, really, really uncomfortable with the idea of character c keeping tabs on me. i feel like am talking to my dad, only worse. when my parents want to know where i am and if i'm even coming home, i get 3 questions maximum. character c just goes on and on. i know that he's the worry wart type and the jealous type but please. can't he just trust me and stop asking me where i am every 5 goddammed minutes? is just irritating and i feel like my own private space is being invaded.

i just don't get it.

for one thing, i don't blow my top when he fails to text me on time or at all. i take it as a fact of life. sure i worry but hey, shit happens. it's not a case of life and death at all. that's not it at all. but the way he blew his top last night, it felt as if i'd done something monumentally hurtful or deceitful or something of the same manner.

and all i did was not text him that i was home.

if he was so worried, i could have just called me at home.

goddammit. i need my space.

heal

am confused out of my wits. it has been a week of confusion. at first i was terribly hurt with character c calling for a cool off. then i realized, i did not even know what the bloody thing meant. i haven't had any cool offs in any of my other relationships. and i feel like it is too early to have one at this point. cool off after barely a month?

it doesn't make sense to me.

i guess in the back of my head, i know that we should be enjoying ourselves now.

i think that character c is getting used to me always giving him whatever the hell he wants. i've been thinking of changing my number of becoming unavailable all out once but i'm scared of hurting his fragile ego. i like complimenting character c because i feel that if he can't be secure with me, it will never work in the long run. it's something i didn't do with character a, actually. but that's a whole different story.

so, after a bout of crying; i was prepared to let character c slip me by. after all, i knew well enough that i could survive. not having character c in my life means less complications for the next six months, actually. and when i thought of it that way, i was (partially) glad to have gotten rid of him.

but no.

character c comes crawling back. stating that in truth, nothing was wrong with me. that he needs to fix his life...he loves me...blah, blah, blah. am skeptical. and a bit unfair. but i have license to be both. after all, character c has done lots of things which don't really bring out his better side. anyways, am still in a conundrum.

we're still "cool off" see? but then again, what does that mean? he's already in some hick town in bloody laguna, we haven't seen each other for more than a week, he doesn't call or email... he actually has all the "space" he needs. but when he does sms, he does it so excessively with all the "iloveyou's" that one may wonder "jesus h. christ, what cool off?"

and here lies my confusion. although tempers have already abated, my eyebrows are still raised. i still have half a mind to change my number. and leave him hanging for at least a day or seven.

~*~

in other news, time does heal all wounds. lately, i've been getting in touch with people that i wouldn't have touched with a ten foot pole 3 or four years before. ah yes, the internet. it amazes me everytime.