heal

am confused out of my wits. it has been a week of confusion. at first i was terribly hurt with character c calling for a cool off. then i realized, i did not even know what the bloody thing meant. i haven't had any cool offs in any of my other relationships. and i feel like it is too early to have one at this point. cool off after barely a month?

it doesn't make sense to me.

i guess in the back of my head, i know that we should be enjoying ourselves now.

i think that character c is getting used to me always giving him whatever the hell he wants. i've been thinking of changing my number of becoming unavailable all out once but i'm scared of hurting his fragile ego. i like complimenting character c because i feel that if he can't be secure with me, it will never work in the long run. it's something i didn't do with character a, actually. but that's a whole different story.

so, after a bout of crying; i was prepared to let character c slip me by. after all, i knew well enough that i could survive. not having character c in my life means less complications for the next six months, actually. and when i thought of it that way, i was (partially) glad to have gotten rid of him.

but no.

character c comes crawling back. stating that in truth, nothing was wrong with me. that he needs to fix his life...he loves me...blah, blah, blah. am skeptical. and a bit unfair. but i have license to be both. after all, character c has done lots of things which don't really bring out his better side. anyways, am still in a conundrum.

we're still "cool off" see? but then again, what does that mean? he's already in some hick town in bloody laguna, we haven't seen each other for more than a week, he doesn't call or email... he actually has all the "space" he needs. but when he does sms, he does it so excessively with all the "iloveyou's" that one may wonder "jesus h. christ, what cool off?"

and here lies my confusion. although tempers have already abated, my eyebrows are still raised. i still have half a mind to change my number. and leave him hanging for at least a day or seven.

~*~

in other news, time does heal all wounds. lately, i've been getting in touch with people that i wouldn't have touched with a ten foot pole 3 or four years before. ah yes, the internet. it amazes me everytime.