today was not stellar

today might just be the most disappointing day of my life. my classes were boring (except for history, of course...which is never ever boring). so boring i was half falling asleep when i was writing down my notes.

i skipped the much needed taek training & lunch to wait for timothy, who consequently arrived too late and stayed beside me too fleetingly.

and also, the ed in chief of mata is taking a leave of absence for the next few weeks. which means that i have to stay at the pub most of the time to answer calls and queries. which also means that he will not be there should the time come that mata is faced with a barage of problems.

the printing of the 3rd issue was not good. IT WAS TERRIBLE. im suddenly scared of becoming managing ed...actually, im scared of handling any other position other than sec gen. i think im scared because of my lack of being "politicized". im not politicized and im doomed to be my little bourgieous self till i die.

it sucks.

i think staying away is the best thing to do. i just feel that you don't want me in your life anyway. with that being said, i would like to ephasize the word FEEL.

it hurts.

when will this stop? prolly when i stop loving you. but i don't want to do that.