the end of an affair

"hello pain, you're home again
i missed your acid smile again
i never dreamed you'd come back..."


hurt like hell, but it was worth the while. though i will have trouble explaining myself later, i will be alright. yes, it hurts. it fucking hurts. but it's nothing i can't live though. i guess from the very start, it was bound to end. at the back of my head, i kept wishing that things would turn out for the better. but no, i really has to be this way. i know that he's right. for once, he's done something right. but of course, it can't help feel wrong. i know this, for anything that hurts you will always feel wrong.

i didn't write this on my rage blog because...well, i'm not stark raving mad. i'm hurt, but i'm not mad at him for leaving me. i don't think i have to be. he left because he knew what we had was wrong and hurtful for other people. he left because he finally grew a spine. and i can't really be mad at him for doing that, can i? i can actually understand his bloody point. he really does have to fix his life before we can get a move on ours. and i appreciate that he never did point his finger at me and say, "you fix your bloody life too, goddammit!" he never did hold me accountable for anything. which i think is pretty nice.

*sigh*

must learn to live without him now. him and the great "stuff".

goodbye, it was worth all the trouble.