i miss jason

for the first time in months, i miss jason.

i really really miss him. i should get off my ass and just go there myself, or something. i know that seeing me loving someone else is painful for him. and i wish i could do something to ease his pain. i wish i could just have a change of heart and go back to him.

i wish. i wish.

but beyond the wishful thinking, i have to do a lot of things. fix a lot of things. be there for a lot of people. and basically spread myself thin for the next few weeks.

my heart is breaking.

and for the first time in weeks....i want to stop loving you. not that you did anything in specific to make me want to. but because. i am hurt. and im stressed. and loving someone right now isn't really the best thing to do. how can i make room for someone else if im too full of problems?

and i don't want to (ill say this again) drag you into my mess. maybe, someday when all of these things have blown over i'll tell you again that i love you.

but not now.