plebe knowledge

i got the plebe knowledge thingies today. im in for a lot of work.

~*~

it's funny when you know someone's just pretending to be offline and you're pretending to be offline yourself. it's funny because it's sad. it's sad because we've built so many walls between us. and we've both burned our bridges. talking to you this afternoon made me realize how much farther you've backed off. it was father than i thought.

and that hurts.

although, im through with the ranting for now; im still musing about the whole thing. i see no point in ranting about things that cannot be changed. the choices you made were yours and it's just odd that i too have to live with your decisions. im not the type who runs away from whatever is at hand. i never really believed in running away, since i'd still be the same person wherever i go.

and i miss you, i really do.

and i've been counting my days from that moment in gonzaga when you walked away. and no matter what you say, you did walk out on me. not that i take it against you...it's just how it felt then and how it feels now.

i have no regrets.

i never regretted loving you. and i never regretted lashing out on you that night when i got out of your car. i don't regret getting it on with you, i don't regret getting hurt and crying over you. and i don't regret looking utterly stupid because i loved you.

these were my choices, i made them. and when you choose something it means you had some spine in you to think for yourself. and so therefore, i cannot regret my choices.

i hope all goes well in your life. rest assured, im not miserable...i never did deserve to be miserable.