Miyerkules, Mayo 28

finally, finally

character c has decided to leave character b.

him: hihiwalayan ko siya para mahalin ka.

i can't breathe. i can't breathe.
ok. i was half expecting this. but not really. i had more than half a mind this afternoon to really, forcefully call it quits with character c. i came upon this decision in fit of rage over his jealousy over this old friend of mine who just happened to be an old flame too. i was in a rage because i was oh so very confused. and i don't like being confused about anything. anyways, we were both in a rage after around 3 messages.

what was i supposed to do?

i just can't have him tell me over and over that i cannot see so and so persons, he is jealous of so and so...and more importantly, that i should stop smoking; if he cannot get himself to tell me that we do, we do have a bloody relationship.

so maybe i did play hardball with him. but i really couldn't help it. i just don't like constraints without labels, i guess. i'm fine with minimal labels, but none at all at this point seems simply absurd. no one tells me to stop smoking without trying at least to explain why they say so. or at least, i don't think he should have that much hold on me unless, unless he gets over himself and admits that what we do have is an honest to goodness relationship. am sorry, but i really don't have time or energy for vagueness right now.

in retrospect, i may have been too hard on character c. but then again, if i don't push him against the wall now, when will i start to get a move on with my charmed life? i've said this over and over, i don't like to be kept hanging. i hate uncertainty. especially uncertainties i can remedy. and this, my friends is certainly one of them. this is the type of problem that i can avoid, these are the types of questions i can live without if only character c just said whatever is running through his brain.

well, my efforts have paid off. he is leaving her. and that is that.
in other news, character a is becoming terribly assertive. he refuses. flat out refuses to give up on the carcass of our relationship with the hopes of reviving the damn thing. but what else can he do? i've already made my choice.

i can't stand character a anymore. i just can't bloody stand him. and that's not very hard to understand. a lot of people can actually understand why i simply cannot stand him. there's really not much he can do about the whole thing since i've already made up my mind. given, i gave character a 5 months to clean up his act. it's five months of lip service. i'm not sure if i explained that to character c. prolly not. prolly not.

but then again, do i really have to explain myself? do i really have to?

sometime soon, character a must come to understand this: that all the time he ignored me and took me for granted was precious too. that i don't appreciate the close to zero efforts he gave in the past. and it's not really feasible for him to try and make up for lost time now, now that he realizes that i cannot possibly be here forever if our relationship stays this way.

i have been demonstrative all this time. i do not want to explain myself again.

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